Have you ever had this type of conversation? When they tell you that without much effort you’re among the top10 of the class, and with just a bit more time you could become one of the best – not in the world of course, but at least in that peculiar niche environment the conversation took place.

I had this conversation a few weeks ago with my CrossFit coach, who saw me after months of not showing up. After the usual what happened to you and where have you been questions, I did the WOD and, despite his advice to do max 12 minutes of the 18 minutes AMRAP, I managed to finish the AMRAP with one of the best results among the group. That is when he took me apart and told me: You could seriously be great at this sport – you have a natural talent for it, if only you’d train regularly.

I stood there, a bit shocked to hear that. I told you before that I have found my sport with CrossFit, but I never had anyone telling me I have a natural talent for it. I mean, I still remember the first time I walked into a box and – without any previous snatching experience – I managed, to everyone’s shock, to snatch 35kg first try. But one thing is to be lucky, another is to be told you have an actual potential for it.

He told me why I struggle so much to be a regular and I tried to come up with a good reason. But the truth was that I took on too much work last semester, from jiggling in 3 jobs to doing 2 extra exams during the semester, keeping up with the actual university work and even finding a valuable thesis topic. I have been stressed almost to the point of mental breakdown many times — way too many. I gave up a dream and found another one. I found myself displaced wherever I’d go. I no longer fit in my university town, let alone my hometown. I dreamed of Vancouver’s calm yet multicultural environment, I dream of Lisbon’s charm and chaos. I wanted to escape, I no longer fit in. And that influenced everything…

With so much on my mind, I struggled to be the girl who trains a couple of times a day every single day. I would consider it a victory if I managed to hit the gym twice (3 was a major victory) a week. It was not that I no longer enjoyed that, simply my mind was not set for it. I booked and canceled the reservation for so many classes I struggle to remember how many. I tried everything in my power to drag myself to the gym, but nothing could stick with me. YES, I still loved how CrossFit made me feel. I still wanted to have a 100kg back squat. I still wanted to snatch 50kg one day. But that was not enough to beat the blues. That was not enough to make me hit the box regularly.

But now I am back. I have a plan for my life and I know where I want to be in September. That positive admission result in my hand reminds me of why I fought so hard to get here. That insanely good topic for my thesis is another big satisfaction of mine. And all those exams I struggled with last semester, left me with just a few more things to do before graduation.

And I will (try) to be a regular.

Have A Safe Journey!
Camilla