It’s been quite a lot since the very honest update about what is going on in my messy, sometimes absurd, life.
In the last month I have been running in Trento, Bergamo, Rome, Vienna, Montreal (and at Heatrow Airport to not lose my flight lol), because well, I have been unstoppably traveling from one city to another. It’s been funny, sometimes challenging, and now I understood I need to give my body some time to properly recover. My 4 weeks of pure madness have finished on Sunday, I returned back to life and to reality. 3 diplomatic simulations, one exam, 4 long runs, training 5 days a week, ANKLE PAIN (bad memories), going to university, trying to keep a social life, publishing about 30 posts on the blog and working on a very special project. Not exactly relaxing, I would say, but still I enjoyed every single minute of it.
I returned to that small percentage of stability I can tolerate, however, with a map still wondering where my next destination is going to be. I returned to university, to the parties, to the local gym, to the aperitivos and to the coffees. I returned to the life I had left behind, when I traveled the world with a couple of luggages.
I might take some time off and let you in the well trusted hands (actually posts) of my contributors, Monica and Federica, who, I am sure, will be able to delight you as usual.
I am tired.
Apparently, you cannot keep the regimen of 4 weeks of hell for longer, once you finish the weeks. I didn’t listen to the signs of tiredness, when I first had them.
When in Canada I had some troubles running (and training) I told myself it was the jet lag, then the cold, then the heels, and I kept going. Even before Canada, I did a 12K run on the very worst day for a run and it was incredible. Then, once back, I went straight back into training and running, no matter I couldn’t sleep at night because of jet lag, life had to go on anyway, right? Nope.
— Smile through hell and keep going till the very end, that’s my motto.
It has been a long journey, intense but also incredible and for me, letting go of pressure and adrenaline is never that easy. I have to admit I craved for this moment to finally arrive, but also wished it never did, because pushing my mind, body and soul to the point of break, just to understand I can go further, longer, that I define my limits, it’s something I (kind of) enjoy.
So, on Monday I went to the gym, to beat jet lag, I told myself. I felt pretty okay and had a positive feedback from Chris who told me that we had to change protocol since it wasn’t training me hard any longer (basically either I was going easy or simply I wasn’t dying as usual). The day after, I took the bike and went to university. I had been sleeping averagely 2/3 hours per night (not willingly, but because I couldn’t fall asleep and I couldn’t change 6AM alarm clock). I went running and it was pretty shitty.
It’s lunchtime, I said. You can’t expect to run good at lunchtime, you never run before lunch. Actually, I had run a lot of times before lunch, and even though I’d rather run in the evening, normally it doesn’t bother me. I also had to bike back, btw.
So this morning, collecting all my hopes, joys and usual cheerleading attitude, I went to the gym at 10AM sharp. I had a boost of energy when I chatted a little with Anna, the owner, and then when I met Diana, my building-mate (can you say it? Well, a girl who lives in the same building of mine and whom I go to university with) who had just signed up in the gym, so stocked!
Hey wonder Camilla, Christian greets me like this and I feel at ease. When he asks how I feel, I say strong, ready because I feel so. But my body isn’t. He starts changing a bit the protocol and with the warm-up I am already struggling a bit. So, I start doing the crunches and the planks at the TRX, I know the protocol, I have to do 4 sets. But at the 3rd rep of the 3rd set, I really have to give up. My arms are shaking, my head feels weird. Stop it, Chris said. And I was relieved, but also disappointed.
So he changes the routine and I keep on feeling pretty tired, actually by the end of the workout I was literally spitting blood. There have been some positives aspects though.
Your body achieves what the mind believes
Christian told me even though I was physically exhausted, my mind was so strong that I still was able to push my body and my heartbeat stayed low (or I recovered quickly) after every set.
So yeah, for someone like me, afraid to never reach their full potential, it was a lovely discover. Still, I did like double the fatigue because of that, because normally the mind stops the body, but what if the mind keeps the body going?
Trust is the key
I have always considered trust as the basis for every healthy kind of relation between human beings, whether as friends, colleagues, lovers, whatever. Everything is built on trust, so why should the PT-client relation the same?
I think so. And I have had the luck of trusting JJ, my former PT for ages, and still, when I am in panic for something gym-running related, she is one of the first people I ask for some advice. Obviously, now the very first person I am supposed to call is the current trainer (and Martina, my gym wife because she knows everything about me
even my period apparently), right?
I have always thought trust needs time and time to be built, but when you change your life as much as you can, you might not have all that time. Still I believe I have had enough, I suppose. However, when he first told me: you know, Camilla, you’re not like this, you end up the TRX crunches looking at me like “was this enough? I can do more” (about this I believe he was talking about another Camilla lol) while today you were really tired… You need to rest, I would do one full week, I said no way.
I have a race about one month away and there was no actual reason to stop, in my opinion, but he insisted. We ended up agreeing on resting till Monday, when I (hopefully) will be back stronger (and “more” tireless) than ever.
So yeah, trust. Trust is the key.
Keep the focus on the ultimate goal. That’s the only thing that matters, the rest is just part of the game.
Have A Safe Journey!