— I wanted to make a point, just like I always do. A few hours ago, I got a text from a person saying: “you’re life is perfect, I envy you so bad”. Okay well, apart from the fact I was sincerely surprised that someone truly envies my life, there was something else that got my attention. Actually, two things.I know that for some of you I’m just a daddy’s daughter travelling on my dad’s money, but still, there is more. I told this to my father in the car, earlier this morning and I’m gonna say this again: I WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME THE WOMAN I AM TODAY, IF I WAS BORN IN ANOTHER FAMILY. All my family, starting from my dear mother and father, to my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, my dear cousins, my friends (they are family too) supported me in every possible way. Let me explain myself better. I speak with my father on the phone about once a day, once every two days more or less. I speak/see/chat with my friends all day every day. Every time I have something in mind, some new goal, some kind of project. (Bea suggested one every time I see her). There hasn’t been a single time when dad said “No way, you can’t do that”. He has always said: “Try, I’ll support you as much as I can”. But he isn’t the only one. I wanted to do a World MUN in Montreal, the whole family knew how much it meant to me… my father and my uncle supported me economically and psychologically in order to arrive there, on that podium. My friends have read my position papers till the exhaustion, but still there hasn’t been a single time when they haven’t been supportive.
Secondly, you only see the exciting part. You see me travelling around the world with a bunch of people who happen to become friends along the adventure. You didn’t see the night session ended at midnight in Rome, you just saw the caipiriñhas we had later on. You didn’t see me studying on a transatlantic flight because no matter which time zone are you, the lessons back in Trento don’t stop for you. You didn’t see me sleeping averagely 5 hours per night for the last 10 weeks, because one exam and 3 diplomatic simulations (in 3 weeks), two races in the year and one big goal are not always a good idea.
You have seen the grind, the excitement and the joy that every challenge brings to me. You have seen my driven, I hope. My closest friends and family have seen and supported me during my breakdowns.
Does that makes me ungrateful? No, it makes me human, it makes me a easily worried human who still has to find her path.
My father, during one of my latest breakdowns told me that my problem is actually quite simple: I am an overreacher and an overachiever, he said. He, precisely, used this metaphor: “Everyone at the station waits for a train, goes there on time and takes it. You go there late and pretend to reach the one who has left way before your arrival and once you catch up with it, you want to reach for the train that had left even earlier“ (my dad is quite effective when it comes to metaphors, isn’t he?). “This practice has its risks“, he added. “You are 200 times more likely to be kicked in the face“.
Still, I try. I make time for what matters to me, whether it’s travelling, running, going to the gym, studying, seeing friends, whatever. I was so pleased when last Thursday, after hearing about my run, Bea told me: “I know why your run was great, it’s because you are a FORCE OF NATURE”. And I was even more pleased when my cousin Emma and my uncle Roberto told me they and all the family were so proud of what I am doing. I was even more grateful and stocked when my cousin Paola commented on an old pic of me and mum saying: “Great woman and even greater daughter”. That was a pristine moment of pure joy. Am I doing it just because of this? Of course not, but sometimes it’s actually good to receive some compliments. It’s good to see that someone else notices the progress. However, I do not really like the ‘envy’ part.
Am I a force of nature? Definitely not.
Am I tireless? My pt says so, but it’s hard to believe it. I have my breakdowns, my insecurities, if I don’t have 20 thousand B plans ready to be used I might not even leave the house.
Am I trying? ABSOLUTELY. Every single day. With every single bit of strength I own.
Will I succeed? I hope, but I’m sure the attempt will be worth before even considering the outcome.
The World MUN 2017 is now officially finished. It’s my point of start. It’s just the beginning of many more adventures, thank you for following along.
[To be continued]
Have A Safe Journey,
Your beloved delegate.