I have been a pretty much productive person my entire life. I mean, it’s not that I am a machine (that is in fact my flatmate who studies about 10 hours per day with no phone around), but still my entire life was focused on reaching a goal after another. I don’t blame that to my parents, even though they always told me we’ll fund you as long as you keep up with your studies, but probably to my personal inclination of always having to look further.
However, this past two months have changed a lot the way I approach myself to life and I guess it is time to put myself and the way I deal with problem in question.
“My life is a constant battle between I’m anxious because I have an exam so I need to shake off this anxiety and run/train and I have nothing to do so I can take care of myself and train/run ”.
Yes, my quotes are amazingly humorous when it comes to life. But this is just the person I am now. I do remember my high school days when I claimed I had no time to run, nor even two times per week because I had a test or whatever. And I remember the feeling of anxiety I had during every exam, until I decided I couldn’t take anymore. So I tried and I struggled a lot before reaching the point where I am now. And I do have countless setbacks.
Let’s begin with the simplest: I signed up at the local gym because I wanted to run a race and guess what? I began to hate running more than strength training and it has always been the contrary! So, now, I’m torn between I still want to run that race because I have a guaranteed entry and I don’t give a damn about running, give me that TRX. Speaking of TRX, I still have a relationship of love and hate with it: I love it because it is efficient and it makes your abs burn every fast and you see the results pretty fast (plus you don’t need that much space to hang it). But then I hate it, because everything burns and I just wanna give up and have chocolate.
Is this the only problem? No! Sometimes I jump on the treadmill and feel like my entire body weights 200kg instead of my weight, I feel like I cannot run and so I just walk, or go on the bike or do interval, I split the session, but still, this is very new to me. I used to just give up and eat cereals when I had a bad day, or when I didn’t feel like running, so give me some time to get used to it.
On some days (read Tuesday) I do nothing. I went to the gym, I wanted to do an easy class (but you know, Wilkins never let anyone take it easy) but it wasn’t, and then run, but I felt tired so I didn’t.
I still don’t know what works better for me/my body/my mind/my soul the point is I’m trying, literally trying to find my balance. Who knows whether I will run or not that race I have in mind, maybe another year from now, who knows. I need to put myself and my health before any goal. And honestly I figured out I’m no longer the girl who studies only and gives up on everything but studying during the session, I mean, I got a 30 e lode by studying regularly but also training regularly (everyday more than one hour) and I am HAPPIER, and I will never deny myself some happiness just because I need to study more.
Me: I’m trying to eat healthy (because we all know how much I hate the word diet). Also me: It’s Diana’s birthday, shall we bake her a Nutella cake? Oh, did you just say pizza?
I eat relatively healthy most of the week. I decided to leave one cheat meal per week because I know I’ll never survive without eating any treat, but still, I kinda like to bake and, would you really turn down a slice of nutella pie just for a body it might take months to have? I wouldn’t. Still me, this week I’ll cut off carbs and fats and go for courgetti all day everyday. Did I find a balance? Probably… I began to be less strictly about it and I really learned to let it go… If I go out for dinner with friend, I don’t just give up on everything (I ate that pizza on Saturday night) but maybe I avoid the dessert, or if I get it, I make sure I worked out my ass before going out and I’ll do the same the day after.
Me: I need to study. Also me: That is such a magnificent idea, I should use that for my blog! *opens the PC and writes for two hours*.
I have a big big passion for writing and I’ve tried to stop myself from writing every time I have an important deadline. I decided I will never ever do that again. Writing makes me reflect on everything, even when I write about something else, even when I write short stories. I just need to find a balance I guess.
What I really wanted to say with this, was that you can’t expect things to workout the way you planned them. Look at me right now. I have been training for the past 3 months, and I did train pretty damn hard. I ate healthy, relatively healthy for 3 months (and super healthy the past week). I never slept less than 7 hours, even during the session. I did a double session every day this week, built lean muscles, stretched out every single time, wore compression socks, did a sport massage, stretched again, tried to keep a better posture… but still when I went out this morning, to prove myself I was stronger, the truth was EVERYTHING WENT BAD.
I had oatmeal for breakfast, my to go for long runs, and I was hydrated. I had gathered every single thing I know about running and put them together to do the perfect run. Well, the truth is my run sucked from the very beginning. Legs felt strong and I was okay breathing, but the GPS stopped working so, even though I knew in 9 minutes I had done more than 1.5K (I know that street pretty well) the GPS said I had done only one K and I became pretty damn angry. I kept going a little more but then stopped. Why? MIND. When they tell you mind does 80% of the job, don’t believe them, mind does 99% of the job. My body had never been as fit as it is now, but still, I wasn’t focused. What did I do? I walked the distance I wanted to run and then came back home, got myself back together and decided I was going to go to the jumping boxe class this afternoon.
What else shall I do, if not KEEP GOING AND LET IT GO?
Have A Safe Journey!